Pregnancy....is it done yet????

Since this is my final pregnancy you would think I would be documenting it a lot more. Yeah...I pretty much suck at the whole sentimental saving things and keeping track of life's big moments. I know I will regret this later. I think some of the chaos of my childhood has made me less prone to holding on to things and more just focused on getting through and moving on.  Anyway...I had a rare moment of peace with nothing to do today so I thought Id do a little update on how things are going with this pregnancy.

 Here is the little monster. I am convinced this baby is trying to suck the life out of me. It has been the hardest pregnancy by far that I have ever had. He would not cooperate and let us get a cute profile pic so all we have is this creepy skull face pic with his hand up by his face.  The profile picture was always reassuring that the baby looked normal and now I don't have that...thanks little dude.

Here are his man parts.  The reaction of my boys was priceless. Jason immediately grabbed his phone and started calling everyone. Sorry to all the California family....it was 6am their time when this happened.  Jackson started jumping up and down and screaming, "I have a brother I have a brother!!" I cried with relief...because now we are done. Jason has his boy...Jack has his brother...all is right in the world.

This is me at 20 weeks. I thought I was so dang huge....I was so stupid. I am huge now. And I know I am huge now because people are shocked when I tell them Im not due until April. I still felt really good at this point. It was shortly after 20 weeks that all my issues started. 

Check out this "POP". This is 24 weeks. I swear.  Now...look at 20 weeks...and look at this pic. OMG!! Maybe this really quick growth spurt is what started all my problems because it was right around this time I started having these awesome headaches where I lose vision, go numb, and literally cant think straight. One was so bad I didn't know who Jason was. Another time...I couldn't figure out how to check my email...another time...I couldn't read a childrens book to the kids. Its really messed up.



This was about 25-26 weeks. I had seen a doctor at this point and had 1 MRI. I keep getting told everything is normal. This is incredibly frustrating because not being able to think straight...see...and going numb is not normal. I have a referral out to a neurologist...the little turd cant see me until Feb. 24th. 

After one bad episode I was laying in bed feeling sorry for myself and Layla climbed up next to me and lifted up my shirt. She put her tiny hand on my belly and felt her brother kick for the first time. That moment gave me hope and reassured me that this will all be worth it in the end. 

28 weeks...headaches or whatever the heck it is that is happening are happening more and more frequently. Three last week...and I can no longer work. Awesome.  Second MRI again was normal. Neurologist is still blowing me off. I have tried so many meds and nothing works. BUT let me tell you...IV Bendaryl with IV Phenegran combined are pretty awesome. Too bad it didn't help the headache or seizure or whatever it is.  Beyond frustrated at this point.

Today...almost 30 weeks. Feeling and looking gigantic. Do not tell me I am not...because really folks...this is ridiculous.  Havent had a headache since Wednesday....feeling anxious because that just means one is due and I never have any warning before they hit.  I have to redo my glucola test Monday because the experimental prednisone they put me on...that didn't work...shot my blood sugar up to 212.  Lovely.

Again today....HUGE...I am scared what I will look like in 9 more weeks...the earliest my doctor will induce.  I am off work indefinitely...which is really hard for me. I feel myself sliding into negativity and I experience daily anxiety regarding finances...my health...the babies health. Work is my distraction...my escape...and its been taken from me. And the ironic thing is that the work at home with the kids...10x harder.  Thankfully I have very kind people in my life that have been coming and helping with the house and kids. I will forever be grateful for that...even if it makes me feel inadequate...

 

I have guilt every day because my kids spend too much time in front of the TV and I cant be the mom I want to be to them right now.

My little TV zombies.  This whole thing is not fair to them. Jason says they wont remember any of this...I know he's right...but man....

And then there's this one

She is starting her terrible two's early. I love to see her independence coming out and I love hearing her become more vocal. But...it is such a challenge at times.  I pray daily for God to give me the patience I need to be a good mommy to her.

 

So...this pregnancy...has been hard...and I have a long road still to go. But through it I have seen blessings and felt humbled by the people around me that show me endless support.  Everything good in my life has been worth fighting for and this is no different. I will get through this for this little man.  In the mean time...if anyone has any clues as to what is going on with me...please....Ill take any advice at this point.  Its scary.  And I need to be healthy for me kids.

 

Oh also....Jason and I...since this is THE LAST BABY...want to send out an open invitation to all his family to come out for the birth.  It would mean the world to him. He's supposed to talk to you all about it...but you know he is :) And please pray that the rest of this pregnancy goes quickly for my sanity and my little families.