Decisions decisions decisions....
I feel like that's all I have been doing lately. Making HUGE life altering decisions. Decisions that will affect my life and the lives of the members of my family for years to come. I am not a fan of change. At all. But as we all know change is inevitable. It is how we handle that change that counts. Well my friends I have not been handling things well. Here are three big decisions I have been faced with...
First there is my dear sweet Jackson.
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| Dancing with his Sister :) |
That boy just melts my heart. He turned 5 in February. The natural step in any child's life once they turn five would be to start Kindergarten. Simple. Well that's what I thought and oh boy was I wrong. Did you know that there are entrance exams to Kindergarten?? Well....neither did I. In public schools they just assess where your kid is and Im assuming mark them down whether or not they will need a little extra help in the year to come. Well...Jason, Nate and I all made the decision together to put Jackson in a private Christian school. I prayed and prayed about this and felt very good about our decision. He had his big assessment in April. I had no idea how in depth this was going to be. The score was out of 80 points. Jackson scored a 68. To get in, a kid had to score a 70. Needless to say Jackson was not accepted and I was told he was not ready for Kindergarten and that he would benefit from waiting a year and doing intensive preschool this school year. Ummm....this was a massive mommy fail moment for me. I felt like if I had put him in preschool last year he would have been fine. I had no idea all that was required for freaking kindergarten. I was crushed. And I was faced with the decision...do I hold him back or put him in public school? A decision that will affect his entire life. Well...his dads were all for holding him back a year so that he could go to this christian school. I was a mess. He will be 19 now when he graduates. Will he hate me later for holding him back??? The guilt and worry I felt over this decision was incredible. My prayers were so clear that he should go to this school. So why didnt he get in?? I was so torn. In the end the decision was made to hold him back a year. I still have mild anxiety about this. I wish I could just accept the answers to my prayers without questioning everything. I can see so many ways this could be bad, but I cant deny the strong feelings in my heart that this is right. So...heart 1...brain 0.
Decision two...Should Jason quit his current job and take a new job???
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| Maybe a new job as an underware model?? lol |
Let me just start by saying that I will not be winning any wife of the year awards for this one. And...I do believe I have lost a significant amount of sleep and hair over this one as well. Jason has been unhappy with his current job for quite some time. Again after much prayer we decided it was time for him to move on. He applied to many many jobs and finally got an interview for a company called Johnson Controls. This job would be a Mon-Fri 7a-330p job. Are you serious??? You mean I would actually have my husband home at night to help with the kids?? And he would be home on weekends so we could actually go on a date?? I wanted to scream TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT! After three interviews, one phone and two in person, Jason was offered the job. We prayed A LOT and felt very strongly that he needed to accept the position. And then here's where I fell to pieces. The pay will literally be just under half of what he is making now. Insert mental breakdown and freak out session from me here. I do our budget. I went over things over and over and over again and there was no way I could see this working out. I told Jason....You cant take this job. He was crushed. I told him, like the awesome wife I am, to basically get over it and move on. Well...the real kicker here was...I couldnt get over it. I cant tell you how many nights I layed awake with guilt about telling him to turn this job down. It felt so wrong. Finally...I decided to go on faith (yes it takes me a few kicks in the pants from the big guy upstairs sometimes to have a little faith) and I called Jason and told him...he had to take this job. Immediately I felt peace....and Ive slept better since. I have no idea how this is going to work out, but I know somehow it will. I am big on planning. I like to have all answers layed out right in front of me. Well my friends, God sometimes has other plans and this is clearly one of those situations. So here goes me...havin' a little faith. Cheers to that one! :)
Finally...because I am sure anyone reading this is bored of my rambling....I have officially hit looney bin status and have decided to go back to school.
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| What Ill probably look like by the end of all of this...like a zombie |
Thats right folks...this mom of three kids ages 5, almost 3, and 9 months, plus two dogs and two cats, who works 2 nights a week and is in charge of EVERYTHING at home (cleaning, laundry, groceries.....) has decided I just dont have enough going on so Im hitting the books in a desperate attempt to earn my Family Nurse Practitioner license. Yes...I am officially crazy. Once again...we did pray about this. God must think Im awesome...oooooor He is ready to pick me up as I slowly fall to pieces over the next two years. Ill go with option two here. I was always good at school...but that was before I had kids and I really feel like Ive lost some brain cells in that whole process. Time is not my friend. But I need to do this. It is part of Jason and I's big master plan. We have a giant 4 year master plan. I love plans. And this one makes me very happy. But...its going to be tough. Honestly though out of all of the decisions we have had to make recently this one was the easiest. I knew at some point I wanted to go back and the time just felt right. And like I said...it fits perfectly into our big plan. Which is what you might ask?? Well....lets see if this school thing works out then Ill fill people in as the pieces fall together. I will just say...if all goes as planned I wont be suffering through many more Indiana winters.
So...now that all these decisions have been made, and now that Ive literally lost 5lbs and half of my hair has fallen out, I just want to say how very grateful I am that I have not had to make any of these decisions alone. I have felt heavenly guidance in every single one of these life altering decisions. And I fought it...tooth and nail...because they were not the plans I originally had in mind. So here's to taking a chance on faith. Im sure in the end the plans God has for my family will be much grander than the ones I had planned. :)
