For God So Loved the World....

Yesterday after hearing about the tragedy that occurred in Connetticut my heart broke. Such a senseless act of violence will never be understood. I feel like we live in a world today where evil is blatantly displayed all around us.  As I read the stories and saw the faces of the survivors and some of those that were lost, tears streamed down my face and my heart swelled with gratitude that tonight my babies are safe at home in my arms. From the ashes of this horror, stories of heroes will arise but it will never erase the pain and loss that has occurred.I cannot imagine what those families are going through. I pray to God that I never have to experience that kind of grief and loss.

We live in a society where basic beliefs of Christianity are marked as being closed minded and racist. To speak of God in a public setting has become taboo. We are so afraid of offending one another and yet at the same time we have lost the respect to value someones individual beliefs. We have removed God and Christ from society.  It is okay to believe in God privately in your home but heaven forbid we allow religion in our schools or to be displayed openly in society. We just might offend someone.

Well...we did offend someone. We offended God. And I truly believe that as society has pulled farther away from Christ that we have allowed evil to creep in among us. Senseless acts of violence occur more frequently and have become increasingly more heinous.  We can claim insanity with each of these acts of violence, but to me it seems to be so much more.

I want to protect my children from more than just the physical violence that seems to be increasingly more prevelent in society. I want to protect them from the moral desensitization of society.  I want to teach them to be proud in their beliefs in God and to stand up for what they believe is right. But as I watch society changing I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. How can I teach them to be strong in Christ when the world teaches its opposite? I see these acts of violence as a wake up call for us all to turn back to God and Jesus Christ.

 I am so thankful for my beliefs in a loving Heavenly Father and Savior that will someday welcome me and my dear children home to His loving arms.  I am so thankful that I believe if we endure the evils of this world that we will be welcomed home into an eternal paradise.

I know that each precious life that was lost is being held and embraced by the loving arms of a Savior that loves them eternally. I know that those parents will be reunited with their babies someday.  I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I will proudly raise my children to love Him as well. And I will pray everyday of my existence that they will be strong enough to fight the evils of this world.

Yummy....slop for breakfast. Thanks mom!

My baby girl turned 4 months last Thursday. She is changing so much and growing and gaining weight like she should. Meanwhile I am still struggling to LOSE my weight...sheesh it is much harder the third time around.

Anyway...she is now finally getting to some fun milestones. She smiles and coos at us all day long. I love when she tries to have a conversation with me. Ill say something and she'll coo and gurgle back with such a serious look on her face for a little baby. She just melts my heart. She hasnt rolled over any direction yet...but none of my kids have been too big on hitting those physical milestones. See post on Layla  http://smileslaughsandtears.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-kid-really-is-normal.html
 
Ella is working on sitting up...supported...but she has got that head control down :o)

 

 

whats goin' on mom?

Another fun milestone this little chicky has mastered is eating. That's right this girl is an advanced eater chomping down on steak and eggs. JK JK  But seriously we gave her rice cereal for the first time this morning and she chowed down like no ones business.

What is happening here?

It helps to hold your mouth open too ;0)

Oh my this is interesting!!

I think I like it :o)

Isnt she so stinking cute?? We sure think so!

Knock and run and christmas lights

I have always really wanted Christmas lights on my house during the holidays. Nate was never into the idea of climbing on the roof of our house  to put up lights. Jason liked the idea but is very stingy with money and kept saying we couldnt afford it year after year.

Well...last night as I was washing and bathing three little darling children and reading them bedtime stories...HA! I wish!! More like yesterday as I was wrestling two kids into the bath tub while the baby screamed and then chasing them around the house as they sprinted around naked trying to get clothes on their slippery wet bodies...Jason was on the roof hanging Christmas lights. I didnt even hear him stomping around on the roof because the kids were that loud.

So...when he was done, he rang the doorbell and then ran and hid trying to coax us outside. The first time I opened the door and no one was there I was just annoyed and went back inside. Then it happened a second time. This time I got a little freaked out and being the paranoid mommy that I am I started thinking some creep was trying to coax me out of my house and break in or kidnap my kids.  I know I know...Im nuts

Well...it turned out that freak was Jason trying to get us outside to see his big surprise. I loved it!! and the kids loved it! We all ran outside and admired his handwork. I love Christmas and now my house is in the holiday spirit too...finally :)

It will look so much prettier when it snows :)

Notice the pumpkin...I will be taking that to the trash this morning

Back to Blogging

I wish I had a good reason why I haven't been on here in a long time...but I dont. Life with three kids has been nothing short of challenging and Im finding that I have very little free time. And the free time I do have is spent sleeping. Since I last wrote we have been to California, celebrated Halloween and Thanksgiving, and began Christmas stuff. It's crazy how fast time goes. I wouldnt change anything...unless there was a way to actually  make time slow down and add a few more hours to the day.  Like everything in life I am learning to balance the new changes of a growing family and hopefully will be able to get on here a bit more.  So that being said I just want to finish this post with some recent pics of us.  Enjoy.

This child refuses to keep anything in her hair so it inevitably looks like this at the end of the day

forever a daddy's girl

Big enough to join the family at dinner

silly silly boy

A rare picture with me in it and the three blessings that matter most to me.

Baby Blues

Come Thursday my tiny little baby will hit the 5 week mark. I am amazed at how with each child my life seems to keep slipping away from me. Time moves so quickly. So quickly that sometimes I feel like I cant catch my breath...like I am in some never ending race and as tired as I am I cant stop running. 
They warn you about post partum blues, depression and even psychosis, but how about post-partum-I-cant-keep-up-with-my-new-life-with-three-kids? Or how about post-partum-I-cant-stand-anyone-around-me?
I wanted every single beautiful child that I have.

How could I not love and adore this?

or this??

 I do not regret a single thing about choosing to add them to my life. But...that being said...life  post partum has been hard.
I think the problem stems from my OCD need to have order and a schedule for everything. That my friends is impossible as I am quickly finding out.  At any given moment someone is crying, screaming, pooping, peeing, vomiting or needing to eat (myself included in all of the above).  I constantly have to remind myself that I am just one person and it is no longer possible to clean the entire house in one day like I did before sweet Ella was born.
I have adjusted. It now takes me 2 days to clean my house...2 days to wash dry and fold all the laundry...and I cant schedule groceries. I just have to go when Jason happens to be home because I cant imagine that chore with all three kids in tow.
I say I have adjusted because each week it gets done. But at the expense of my rapidly waning patience and time. I feel like I dont have enough time...time to play and hug and kiss my kids...time to enjoy life...time to let my husband know I love him. And it is wearing on me where I feel myself getting to the point that I dont enjoy life.
I hate yelling at the kids...I hate being constantly irritated at Jason...but my goodness this new life is tough. I think what has made it even more tough is my insecurities.
I have a lot....
I need someone to notice things...like when I spend all freaking day cleaning my house, I NEED someone to notice and say..."Hey thank you for doing this. I know it must be so hard to get this done with three tiny ankle bitters bugging you all day."
This next need is hard to write. I have a terrible warped self image.  I feel fat constantly.  I NEED someone to tell me "Hey...good job working on losing that baby weight." I wish I didnt...I wish I loved the way I look...but I dont. I never have and probably never will...but without the encouragement I dont just not like myself...I hate myself.
Normally the lack of recognition for my struggles and hard work doesnt bother me. But when someone comes up to me and says...Hey how pregnant are you 4 weeks after Ella was born...OMG I just want to crawl in my bed and die. Instead I just struggle to eat the whole rest of the day and barely can stand looking in the mirror.
I guess I just need to learn to give myself that encouragment that I feel I lack. I need to be satisfied with my own sense of accomplishment when I finish a weeks worth of chores.  I need to learn to be happy instead of having to try so hard to be happy. And I need to learn to like the way I look.
I mean my gosh...I gave birth less than 5 weeks ago. Why cant I give myself a break? Why do I constantly stress and worry about EVERYTHING???
Look how far Ive come....

The day I had Ella

Almost 5 weeks later.

I can look at these before/after pictures and see the difference...but I dont feel the difference. Does that make sense? Maybe Im crazy. I think I just need sleep...and to feel appreciated and to get encouragement. I hate admitting that because I am incredibly stubborn and just want to do things alone, but I cant do things alone and I need to accept that.
I really do love my family and my life. I feel so ungrateful to complain. But I dont think people understand how hard and isolating it is to be a mommy sometimes. So...to all my mommy friends...Good job doing one of the hardest things in the world...being a mom, a wife, and holding down a household without the appreciation you deserve and most importantly without losing your mind.

And Baby Makes....Five!

I am officially a mother of 3 beautiful healthy children. 

 Its hard for me to believe that in a few short years Jason and I have grown to become a family of five. If someone had asked me when I was going through my divorce what I thought my life would be like in 4 years, my wildest dreams would not have predicted this. I am overwhelmed with humility and my heart is so very thankful for how blessed my life has become.  God for sure had a bigger better plan for me and Im thankful that I was able to crawl out of that dark time to enjoy the 3 little blessings that He has blessed me with. 

Now on to baby Ella's birth story :)

My doctor had decided to let me be induced when I hit 39 weeks for a couple of reasons. Mine mainly, and maybe some people would say selfishly, was because I was just done being pregnant. She measured fine on ultrasound and I was already dilated at 36 weeks so I was ready to go. Another huge reason was because my sister in law was going to fly out for the birth and I didnt want her to miss it so we set the induction date for August 9th at 6am.

Knowing the date was good and bad. Good because there was a definate end in site...bad because each week seemed to slow down to where I felt like the date would never get here. By 38 weeks I was having pretty decent contractions all night long that kept me awake but not regular or where I felt like I should go to the hospital.  Finally, the 39th week arrived.

I woke up at 4:30am to shower and get ready and I just couldnt sleep anymore. 

All ready to go...my last prego shot

We got to the hospital right at 6am and got lost. Thats right...lost. I have had 2 previous babies at this same hospital and we could not remember what floor to go to. Finally we figured it out and got all checked in.

While I got poked and stuck with needles

and hooked up to monitors

Jason crashed....lucky bum.

 Actually, he is just super afraid of needles and blood so he couldnt watch them start my IV and draw labs. After I was all hooked up it just became a waiting game.

So excited to meet our girl

They started the pitocin right away and came in every half hour to increase the dose. At 8 my doctor came in and attempted to break my water. OMG...that was horrible. Ella was still really high and most of the amniotic fluid was apparently behind her so she tried and tried and failed to break my water.  That by far was the most painful experience I have ever had in any of my deliveries. Shortly after that I went ahead and got my epidural in case she wanted to come in and do that again before I got the chance to be numb.

My epidural this time was weird. I could always move my legs like I could before the epidural. The only part of me that was numb was my lower abdomen.  This scared me to death because I was so afraid that I was going to feel her coming out or that it wasnt working right. But...I never felt the contractions so I tried to relax.  At around 1p my doctor came in and this time successfully broke my water and checked me...I was a 7.  Literally about 15 minutes later I started to feel not just pressure but pain.  I called the nurse and in 15 minutes I went from 7 to complete and baby was ready to go.  She called my doctor in...I pushed through 2 contractions total...about 5 minutes...and baby Ella came screaming into the world at 1:34pm so pink and so mad.

Ella Rose Pfeffer...8lbs 1oz 20.5in long

I couldnt believe how fast she came.  When they told me that she would be here with the next contraction I had to try as hard as I could to not start bawling because I was overwhelmed at how fast it was all happening.  Nothing in this world is as incredible and special as holding that little baby in your arms for the first time.  I am so blessed to have experienced this moment three times. 

In awe of our newest little blessing

Ella is perfect.

my little angel

 She has dark hair like her daddy but I see myself in her eyes and nose and mouth.  She's beautiful.  She only cries to be fed...she sleeps wonderfully...and she is not bothered by my other two kids loud screams.  I couldnt have asked for a better baby.  I feel like for now our little...well I guess big to some people...family is complete.  But ask me again in 2 years and Im sure Ill have plans for number four. 

Jason and I feel so blessed.

Progress to the inevitable end

So the last few weeks have been pretty darn miserable.  Last week at my 37 week appointment Ella was completely transverse and measuring 34 weeks. I left not crying like I did with Layla...but angry.  I just wanted to have the reassurance that we were good to go for delivery, but instead I had to schedule an ultrasound, two extra doc appointments and once again discuss the possibility of a version and c-section.  I was just so incredibly frustrated.  I feel very sore these days and uncomfortable and sleep is not even an option anymore.  I push myself to clean work and take care of the kids but its really taking a toll on my body.  Case in point...check out these feet after just ONE 12 hour shift of work.

beautiful.....bleh

Jason says it feels like pudding....I feel like Im walking around on giant water balloons.  Its very painful.  I get up to pee a minimum of 4 times a night...get at least one massive leg cramp a night...and can never get comfortable. Then when I do sleep my dreams are insane. I know the end result will be more than worth it...I just want the END to be here now.  I just have a little over a week to go but when you are beyond tired with a 4 and 2 year old and a house to clean and groceries to buy and laundry to do....those 10 days can seem like an eternity. 
Well today I anxiously went to my ultrasound to see if baby girl really was as small as she measured. Well...not only was she head down YAY!! but she is definately not small measuring in at 7lbs8oz according to the ultrasound tech.  So...to me this means hey...youre locked and loaded and definately big enough so GET OUT. lol  I wont be doing anything crazy to force her out, but any time she decides to come would be fantastic to me.
Just for fun (probably mostly for me) here's some pics of my progress...

16 weeks

20 weeks

32 weeks maybe

34 weeks

36 weeks....painful....

37 weeks and done

 I ended my morning this morning throwing up and nauseous. Sign of impending labor?? One can hope.  This pregnancy has been exciting, long, basically not so bad but kind of miserable now.  Im excited to meet this girl and add to our family.  She will be such a blessing in our life :)

Baby Ella

Pregnancy update....

tired...big...and still so long to go

I am 20lbs bigger
My hips and back hurt me almost all the time to the point where I cant sleep
My ankles look like pockets of fluid are being stored in them
My nursing bras that fit so nice with Layla are tight and uncomfortable
The baby is head down...awesome :)...but I get nice sharp shooting pains in my groin now
I pee....all the time....especially at night....at least 4 times
I am in a constant state of tired that ranges from sleepy to near exhaustion
I cry...a lot....for no reason
Finally...I am almost 33 weeks....I have 7 more weeks of this and the baby is going to keep getting bigger....
Im crying again now....

I have days where it seems like its so soon and Ill be holding baby Ella in my arms. And then I have days where that 7 weeks feels like an eternity.  I almost wish for an ordered bedrest from my doctor, but I want to be healthy too and bedrest=something is wrong. I know this will all pass and I will forget how hard all this is....obviously I forget or I wouldnt be doing this for a THIRD time.  But in the moment right now it is really really hard.  All the things that I do have become 10 times harder and take 10 times the effort.  I am determined to keep up with my life though even if I feel like Im moving in slow motion these days.  But come Sunday evening when the day is winding down, I literally find myself getting anxiety about all I have to do the next week.

So...imagine my surprise today when I came home after church and dinner at my moms to a completely clean house...all laundry done...everything scrubbed to perfection.  I cried...and cried...and cried. Jason told me this morning when we were leaving for church that he had just gotten a call to a house with no power in Columbus, IN. It is the nature of the job so I sighed and took the kids to church.  I was so tired by the time we headed home that I wanted to go to sleep for the night right then and there at 530pm.  So when I walked into the house and my weeks worth of chores aside from groceries were done....I cant describe what I felt.  No man is perfect...but my gosh I cant describe how much what Jason did means to me.  Its better than flowers...candy...any date.....Its the best gift he could have given me. I get to RELAX and enjoy this week with my kids without the burdens of trying to clean the house and do laundry.  I wish he could feel what I felt when I walked into the door because I cant thank him enough.  He gave me more than a clean house. He has given me a week off. He has given me the ability to breathe...and relax. A massive weight lifted even if its just for one week.

Pregnancy the last month and a half is horrible...exhausting...uncomfortable.  It just wears you down. For him to realize how tired I am and do something like this...its better than 1000 I love you's.  Actions speak so much louder than words.  I am so lucky to have such a supportive loving husband. I got myself one of the few good ones and Ill hold on to him for as long as I live.

On a lighter note...Jack got really confused when I was pretty much bawling. He said...Daddy whats wrong with mommy??  Jason told him I wasnt sad, I was just so happy because he had cleaned the house for me and sometimes girls cry when they are happy. He said...NO Daddy...mommy wanted to clean the house and THATS why she's crying.

Oh my sweet boy lol...how wrong you were.

The next ten years...

 I turned 30 today. It also happened to be mothers day. I ate tons of food and spent time with people I loved. I got to hear my 4 year old get up in church and say why he loves me...my heart melted. I got to sit and relax. I got to play with my energetic beautiful almost 2 year old. And...my favorite gift of the day...I got to hold my big 4 year old boy while he slept on my chest. I havent got to do that with him in so long. I realized today sitting with my family how blessed I am. I have a mother who is and always has been my role model in my life, especially when it comes to getting through hard times. I have my own sweet little family...and I have a wonderful husband.

Turning 30 is a big year...its supposed to be a leap out of the fun youthful years of your 20s into full fleged adulthood. But honestly...I feel exactly the same as I did yesterday and the day before. But when I really reflect back on the last 10 years I know I am very different person at 30 then I was at 20.  One...I have a lot more wrinkles on my forehead then I did back then, and according to the nice lady that cuts my hair Ive started going grey. Ive also had two kids and after that your body just doesnt go back to what it was at 20.  Im a lot more tired now than I was 10 years ago. And I have about a million times more responsibility in my life than I did back in the day.  

But...my life is also much more full and blessed. Im happy at 30 and I dont know that I could say that when I was 20.  My 20's were full of many very high highs and some extremely low lows.  Both of my sweet beautiful children were born in my 20s. They are my lifes greatest blessings.  I finished my nursing degree in my 20s. Through that I am able to have a career I love and do something that I feel lets me touch peoples lives in ways I otherwise would not get to do.  I got married...twice...in my twenties. Both marriages in their moment were good memories...the divorce that happened in between...not so much.  I was able to meet my lifes great love at the end of my 20s. He helped carry me through the hardest trial I have met in my life to date.  I look back at the last 10 years with no regrets. Yes there were hard times, but the hard times made me love and appreciate all of the good ones.

Life is not meant to be easy. Its a rough and bumpy ride meant to refine us into the people that we are meant to be. My life right now at the beginning of my 30s isnt perfect, but its exactly how I would like it to be.  I have two amazing kids that drive me crazy but that I love so much my heart aches.  I am blessed to be able to have a third little miracle in the next few months. I have a husband that I know loves me and I love him.  I live by family that I am so blessed to have and I am so thankful that my children have so many people near them that love them. I have a lot more living to do and a lot more growing but Im happy. And that's the main lesson I think I learned from my 20s. I learned how to be happy and more importantly that I deserve to be happy. 

As I start the next decade of my life I look forward to the challenges and all the highs and lows that follow. These are the good years when my babies are young....ten more years and Jack will be 14...YIKES. I hope that I can relax and enjoy life the next ten years and earn a few more of those pesky wrinkles and grey hairs. President Gorden B. Hinkley, a past prophet from my church, said "In all living have much fun and laughter. Life is meant to be enjoyed not just endured." I want this to be my motto the next ten years. I want to enjoy my life and have fun while doing it.  No regrets.

Half way...Horray!!

So I have officially hit the half way point in this pregnancy. I cant believe how fast it is going. I feel so excited to meet this little girl...but at the same time nervous. Can I really handle three kids?!? Guess I better buckle up and get ready for the ride because shes coming...ready or not.

So far I feel pretty darn good all things considered.  My belly has for sure started to pop out and people actually notice Im pregnant wherever I go. 

20 weeks...20 to go :)

 This is good and bad. Good because I get offered help from random people at places like the grocery store and restaurants. Bad because these same random people feel the need to reach out and touch me.  Now seriously...no one reaches out to rub an obese mans belly...so why rub mine??? I know I know...there is a cute little baby growing in there but still...I do not like to be touched by strangers! Co-workers...family...friends...all fine....but strangers need to back off.  There done...whew! Its just a HUGE pet peeve of mine. 

The heartburn has hit and its worse than I can ever remember it being with the other kids. Yesterday I made the mistake of enjoying some Mcdonalds french fries...never again :(  I felt like my chest and throat were on fire and no amount of pepcid or tums was helping.  I literally slept almost sitting straight up last night.  I talked to my doctor today and she said to double the dose of pepcid and if that didnt help shed write me a script for something stronger.  Nothing like feeling like your insides are on fire. Another lovely pain that is new this time around is the feeling like Ive been kicked in the crotch if I stand up for too long or try to do too much at one time.  My doc says this is round ligament pain and stretching and that ice packs help. That sucks...because I cant really walk around with icepacks in my pants. Oh well...

The baby is growing perfectly. She is right on schedule and Im measuring excactly 20 weeks.  This baby girl is a mover. We couldnt catch her heartbeat for more than a second before my doctor would have to move the doppler to find her.  When we did hear it long enough to know how fast it was she was 170bpm. It sounded like a freight train!  Guess this baby is going to live up to the reputation that the second born Pfeffer children live up to...hyper crazy but super fun :)  I feel movement occasionally. Im sure in the next few weeks that will increase especially with how this child bounces around.  Ive gained 5lbs...and my doctor hopes Ill gain some more once the heartburn is under control. 

Now that we know its a girl we have finally narrowed down a name. Jason didnt have any say in naming Jackson or Layla so this time around I left it all up to him....gulp.... But I must say he picked a very pretty name for this little girl.  Ella Rose Pfeffer. I love it!  Oh and we broke the news to Jack...after punching the table and scowling for a while he looked up and said...I miss my brother Jacob. I told him honey...he doesnt really exist because this baby has always been a girl shes just big enough now for us to know.  He then told me as soon as she comes out I need to put a boy in there to grow so he can have his brother. UMMMMM.....sorry buddy...that wont be happening any time soon. It makes me sad for him but he will be a good big brother for his sisters. 

Quick update on everyone else....Jackson is doing great. He came home from his vacation so happy and excited and I cant describe how good it is to have him home.  He had his 4 year old well visit today and has moved from 10% in weight to 30%. Still a skinny minny but for sure growing!  He is the sweetest thing in the world. Today we were getting ready to leave and he yells...Hold on ladies Im on my way! lol I just love him.

Layla has been sick...again. This time allergies have hit my poor baby girl hard.  She was wheezing so much we had to start giving her albuterol treatments as needed.  I feel so bad for her but like usual nothing seems to phase her. She runs and plays like nothing is wrong...coughing sneezing and wheezing and all.  She is one tough little cookie.  Shes talking more and more and is such a social butterfly. She definately did not get my tendancy to be shy.

I feel so lucky to have my little home and family.  My kids make me smile everyday and I couldnt ask for more.  Sure they wear me out and drive me crazy sometimes, but at the end of the day when they kiss each other  goodnight and yell I LOVE YOU at the top of their lungs...it makes all the crazy worth it. 

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

So today was the big day. We got to find out what this little baby that Ive been growing inside me for the last almost 19 weeks is.  With all all of my pregnancies Ive had strong feelings one way or the other about whether it was a boy or a girl.  This time was no different.  Jason and Jackson were really rooting for a boy. In fact Jackson wouldnt even discuss the possibility of it being a girl. I had strong feelings the whole time that they would both be dissapointed.  This pregnancy was the first one that I cheated and tried to sneak a peak at work.  Both times I did it I honestly couldnt tell what I was looking at but a coworker of mine said she saw girl. So....my suspicions were half way confirmed.  Today at the ultrasound that little baby was moving around like a mexican jumping bean! It took forever to catch all the vital organs...which I was very insistent we take our time on because my job makes me so paranoid.  Thank goodness we saw all four chambers of the heart....no neural tube defects...and baby measured exactly proportionate to her gestational age. I am so very thankful for this!  Finally it was time to check down below to see what we would be having. And I was right! We are going to be blessed with a beautiful baby girl come August! I am so excited that she is healthy and I think it will be so fun for Layla to grow up with a little sister so close in age.  I havent gotten the courage to break the news to Jackson yet.  Hes on vacation with his dad so Ill tell him in person when he comes home. Im sure he will love her...but the poor kid really wanted a little brother. Heres some pics.

Its a girl!

cute profile pic

tiny hand

After the ultrasound we went out to lunch and shopping at Babies R Us for a few cute little things and a new baby monitor...I sat on ours and literally crushed it. Nice self esteem booster there huh? LOL Anyway...we were looking around and I go sit down in one of the rocking chairs by all the bedding and all of a sudden I just start bawling.  Im not even sure why. I am so happy she is healthy...and I feel so blessed to have the children that I have and to be able to add to our little...which I guess will soon be considered big family.  I think it was just an overwhelming mix of gratitude and also a little bit of sadness that Jack wont get a brother like he wanted and I know Jason deep down really wanted a boy too. Dont get me wrong...he is happy too but I know he would have been much more excited had it been a boy. Needless to say...I looked a little nuts. Im sure that place is used to dealing with emotional pregnant ladies though.  I think everyone I saw there was pregnant. 

So...here we go...half way done 20 more weeks to go before my life gets just a bit more crazy.  Im so glad my mind can be at ease knowing she is healthy and growing like she should. Now I just need to try to take care of myself so she makes it to term. We feel so blessed!

Leap Day and Balloons

So today is Jackson's actual birthday. It is the first time he's had a birthday on the actual day he was born since he was born.  So....Jason and I wanted to try to make it extra special. Last night we stayed up really late blowing up 70 balloons to sneak into his room for him to wake up to this morning.  The blowing them up and tying them part was not so fun...but I was giggling like a little school girl as we snuck arm fulls of balloons into his room. It was so much fun!

He woke up this morning and yelled...MOM YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS...ITS LIKE MAGIC! He was so excited. Groggy and a bit out of it...but excited.  Then I told him that he could play with them all over the house today and make a mess. He got even more excited.  I guess I may need to lighten up a bit when it comes to clutter and keeping the house clean. He literally acted like that was the best thing I had said to him in his whole life. LOL

waking up to all his balloons

still a bit sleepy

now hes excited!

 Funny side story of the day...We have a landline phone that we never really use and when it rings it is always a telemarketer or something like that. Well I was getting ready this morning and I heard it ringing but decided to just ignore it.  A few minutes later Jack comes in my bathroom and says...Mommy, I answered your phone and it was Wal-mart. They said you need to take me there and get me a card and some toys. HA! Nice try kid. :) 

So...Happy Birthday my sweet funny smart handsome little boy. I love you so much! You are growing up to be such a sweet little boy.  You make me smile everyday and I am so thankful that I get to be your mommy.

Birthday parties and new additions

So its been exactly four weeks since I posted on here last. I know this because the last time I wrote I was 12 weeks pregnant...now Im 16 weeks. This pregnancy is flying by which is both good and bad. Good because I cant wait to meet this little baby...bad because I have a ton to do to get ready.  Anyway...these last four weeks have been very busy full of ups downs parties and new additions.

Lets start with the bad. All of us...except for Jackson...have been very unfortunate in the sickness department this winter.  Layla and I both had bronchitis recently. I wont go into huge details because I dont want to dwell on the bad...but it was just that BAD.  I think being sick when you are pregnant is a curse from Hell. And all mommies out there know that moms do not get a break when they are sick.  I survived though...even after a nasty reaction to my antiobiotics. And thank goodness we are all healthy at the moment.....knock on wood.

We had a lot of good happen the last few weeks.  First of all my baby boy turned 4!! I cannot believe that he is 4 and that I have one more year with him before he starts school. Just thinking about it makes me tear up.  We have decided that in our family we will have real birthday parties with friends and everything when the kids are 4, 8, 12 and 16.  The rest of the bdays will be family only and just at home.  So this year was Jacks turn for his first big party. OH MY GOSH...was this stressful for me to plan and implement. He wanted a Chuck E. Cheese party.  Now...I hate this place on a Tuesday afternoon when its just me and a handful of other moms and kids. So imagine my distress when we walk into the party Saturday night to Chuck E. Cheese on crack!!  I figured it would be busy....but I was not prepared for the chaos I walked into. My heart rate shot up and my mind screamed RUN RUN AWAY NOW! But...a lot of the kids we invited were already there and Jacksons face was so lit up with excitement....I stayed and put on a smile and turned myself into the best Host I could be.

My heart never stopped racing and by the end of the night I was pretty darn sweaty...but it was a success and he loved it.  He got to dance with the big mouse himself and to my relief not a single kid was lost or hurt during the madness.  Jackson felt so special...and that really was the whole point.  I love that little boy so much and I cant say that I will ever EVER do that again....but I dont regret a moment of it.

Look mom Im four!!

his Harry Potter cake

blowing out the candles

dancing with Chuck E.

Also adding to the good for our little family this week...we got a new addition to the Pfeffer clan.  It's big...boxy...GOLD (which made me literally cry at first) and definately not something I ever thought I would want let alone like....but its ours and now that I have it I love it.   We got a MINI VAN!

my new stylin' ride :)

 I cant believe those words are reality for me. I always swore Id never drive a van. But....having kids has changed that for me and now that I have it Im in love.  When Jason first told me he got the van the first thing I asked was...what color is it? When he said gold I literally cried. Ive been driving a taxi yellow Ford Focus for years now and if I was going to get stuck driving a van I at least wanted it to be pretty. Gold to me is not pretty. BUT when I saw it it turned out to not be so bad.  It is incredibly easy to load and unload the kids and the storage room is amazing.  Its definately not a "cool mom" car. But lets face it...when have I ever been cool? And case in point...I love this thing. So that proves it...Im not a cool mom and I most likely never will be and Im completely fine with that.

Finally here's a quick update on our little bean...that actually looks a lot like a teeny tiny baby these days.  The weight gain has begun. At my 16 week appointment I have officially gained a whopping 2 lbs.  Im sure the weight gain will pick up now that Im not nauseous at all anymore.  Even though the lbs dont show it my stomach sure has "popped".

16 weeks....lookin' at least 20

 People arent kidding when they say the third time around you just pop really fast.  I cant wear my regular pants anymore at all. But...it make me happy because I know the baby is growing like it should.  Heart rate is consistently in the 160s.  My gut intuition and all the dreams Ive had so far have made me feel like this is a girl.  I told Jackson and he said, "Mommy if this is a girl Im going to cry"  Poor kid.....Nothing much else to share in that department. Still praying for healthy. Ultrasound is in 4 weeks!

So...now I have a 4 year old who has decided to really test his independence and push all my buttons lately...

My mostly sweet....occasionally possessed by a tantrum throwing demon 4 year old :)

A almost 2 year old that has no fear which scares me but she is the funniest thing and makes me laugh daily...

silly mischevious girl

And a husband that is loving supportive and exhausted...lol

So thrilled to have his picture taken lol

I wouldnt change any of it for the world. :)