A second chance at love

When you grow up Mormon, and a girl, having a husband and kids seems like the fairy tale dream come true.  You picture the perfect husband and perfect little family living in the perfect little house. As a teenager, you obsess about this. Every potential date could possibly be a potential husband.  If you go to a Mormon college like I did for one year....those girls' sole purpose in life is to make that fantasy a reality. Growing up I really did think I was going to marry my long term high school boyfriend. We were crazy in love....and looking back on it, it really was crazy. Back then I was in love with my emotions and the excitement of a boy loving me. I wasnt really in love with the person.

Can you find me? Check upper right corner. See the guy to next to me? Yeah...man of my dreams at the time right there :) Oh how time changes us.

At the Mormon college I went to I got really turned off by the Mormon girls dream of marriage so I rebelled.  I refused to date much because I told myself I would not be one of those girls seeking out an MRS. degree. I thought of these girls as pathetic and weak with no sense of self. They needed a man to define them...and not just any man....a return RM AND eagle scout.  Those girls in Idaho dream big.  My attitude was terrible as you can see and eventually got me suspended so I took matters into my own hands and applied to Purdue, got accepted, then told my mom I wanted to go there. Little did I know that it would be at the big bad non-Mormon school that I would fall into the same trap that all those girls in Idaho fell into.

I had never dated anyone before Jackson's dad that had already been on a mission so I had never even considered what I would do if someone actually asked me to marry them.  We dated a few months, he asked me to marry him, and the fantasy of married life and love and children hit me hard....I said yes...at  the wise age of 19 years old.  I was so naive and way to young to make a decision like that. Like many things in my life...I should have listened to my mother.  My immaturity and youth and his addictions and own immaturity (he was only 21) made for a rough start and a rough almost six years of marriage.  It really was an unfair relationship for both of us. I was by no means ready for marriage at that young of an age. I had no idea how hard marriage is. I dont want to go into details of what led to the end of that first marriage. I have a special letter written for Jackson to explain all of that.  It was a sad thing for all involved. Ultimately the fantasy was just that...a fantasy. I dont regret that first marriage. If anything it has helped prepare me and helped me to really appreciate my marriage now. Everything happens for a reason even if at the time we have no idea why.

Jason and I met in September of 2008. I was depressed and lonely so I thought it would be funny to check on some online dating websites. I googled to see if there were any mormon ones and WOW there were a ton. I picked LDSmingle.com. It was a completely random decision.  The very day I got on there I met him.  I saw his picture...its one where he is on top of Kong at the amusement park he worked at as an electrician and I sent him a message because he was cute...thats it.  He wrote back and the rest is history.  We spent months every two weeks taking turns flying back and forth to see each other. This was a very expensive way to date and I dont recommend it.

Heres the pic I mentioned...cute huh?

Jason was unlike any guy Id ever met. He was so so so goofy.  I thought this was just an over the top act until I met his family. He has been this way his whole life and God love him for it.  You know how I said everything happens for a reason?  If I hadnt known the bad...I would have been easily irritated and annoyed and stopped dating him the first time I realized this was him....all day....every day.  But because I went through a marriage of lying and deciet...his openness and honesty and kindness became what I fell in love with and I could look past the little annoyances.  Jason is the most sincere genuine person I have ever met. He would do anything for anyone.  He works harder to support his family than anyone I know because he loves us.  I dont have to question his love or his honesty.  He is one of the few people Ive met in my life that does not pretend to be someone he is not. And Ill take it. All those girls that gave him up because of his hyperactivity missed out on someone that would treat them like they are his whole world.  I thank God for him. And Im thankful for the hard times I went through with Jacksons dad so that I could really appreciate Jason and who he is.

Our engagement pic :)

 We were married June 19, 2009 in Genoa, Nevada at a beautiful hot springs resort.  It was very small and intimate and I loved every minute of it. A year after that on July 31, 2010 we were sealed in the Nauvoo, Illinios temple.  I cant explain in words how that day felt.  As Jason and I were in that room holding our baby, she was so tiny...Ill never forget how as the words were being spoken that would seal us together as a family forever....she looked up and smiled at us. That moment was as special to me as the day she was born.  Looking around seeing all our family there with us in white...I imagine that will be what heaven is like.  

our wedding pic in Nevada

I cant imagine spending my life and raising my children with anyone other than Jason. Our relationship is not perfect, but we respect each other and love each other completely.  I am so grateful for what I learned so that I can appreciate this relationship and not take it for granted.  The fantasy I had as a child never did come true. Marriage is not a fairy tale.  It is hard. But like most really great things in life, if you put in the work and effort it can be better than what you dreamed.

The family I always wanted with all its imperfections