Everything happens for a reason right?

Today is one of those days where you just want it to be over...or wish it had never happened. We went to the doctor today for my 10 week check up with the nurse practitioner. Everything was going fine...until she tried to doppler the heartbeat. When she couldnt find it I was nervous...but it is still kind of early so I figured the ultrasound would show it just fine.  She brought in the bedside ultrasound and looked around for a while...the baby was there but even I could see there was no little flicker for a heart beat.  She insisted it was just her lack of skill with the ultrasound machine so she sent me into the actual ultrasound room and went and got Doctor Priddy.  She did two ultrasounds...one regular one vaginal....no heart beat. The baby measured 9 weeks 3 days....   It was so hard to sit there and see its little head and body on the screen but not see a heartbeat.

My heart is heavy and the thought of starting all over is daunting. This isnt my first miscarriage so if we do get pregnant again Ill be so scared of losing it.  I hate that fear.  When I told Jackson what happened he said "Mommy dont cry...the baby is in heaven with Jesus." What a wonderful little man I have. I am so very very thankful for the two beautiful amazing children that God has blessed me with. I know all things happen for a purpose and if this is God's will I accept it. Im thankful for my sweet little boy for giving me the right perspective. I really am so blessed with the family I have and I am sure at some point we will be blessed with another child when the time is right. Thanks to everyone who knows for their love and support. Jason and I really do appreciate it.