Christmas

I cannot believe that we have reached the end of 2011. I feel like my life has moved into fast forward and I cant find the stop button.  Its kind of cruel that once you have children that life speeds up so fast. I want to slow it down so badly and cherish these moments with my children while they are so small and innocent.  I know that I tend to be a complainer...and it may seem that I complain a lot about the chores and trials of motherhood. But honestly, I love my kids more than anything in this world and each day that goes by I feel my time with them slipping away and that soon I will look up and they will be teenagers and hate me.  I love their innocense and their love for life. Everything is so much more exciting and fun when seen through the eyes of a child.  Thats why I have been trying really hard especially during holidays to make things extra special.  And let me tell you....it can be quite challenging with a 3 year old and a one year old.

This Christmas season I had big plans to do EVERYTHING....see Santa, see christmas lights, go to the christmas at the zoo, make cookies, do family christmas ornaments, have a countdown to christmas...ect ect ect. Crazy huh?? Unbelievably I managed to do most of this. Im not sure if the kids truly loved all of it or will even remember it but I know we had fun and we spent time as a family and Ill have the memories to share with them when they get older if they forget.

We kicked off the season the day after Thanksgiving by putting up all our Christmas decorations.  We blasted christmas music and danced and played and amazingly only broke one ornament while putting everything up.  Here is our finished results....

so pretty

 Eventually all of the ornaments ended up at the top of the tree, but it was still pretty.  Next we ventured out to the mall and Christmas at the zoo to visit Santa. Jackson was so excited this year.  All he would tell Santa was that he wanted a lego Harry Potter castle.  Good thing those things are not in high demand because the poor boy would be crushed if he didnt get one.  The first visit at the mall went really well because we all went up together as a family.

The next visit with Santa....not so much. I wanted to get a pic of just the kids with Santa. I knew that Layla was not going to like this at all so I told the lady....just take the picture as fast as possible.  I felt like the worst mom in the world but the picture is great and she will laugh at it later.

kind of blurry but you get the idea

Next we tackled the homemade Christmas ornaments. I really want this to be a family tradition so that we can eventually cover our tree with memories and stuff from the kids childhood.  This year I was very surprised how great they turned out. I put their handprints on ornament balls and then drew snowmen on their fingers with a permanent marker. The kids had so much fun getting messy and it turned out just like I hoped they would.

 Along with the homemade ornaments I decided to get super crafty this year and make my own christmas cards.  This proved to be quite difficult and time consuming so if you didnt get one...sorry. I only had the patience to make ten of these suckers and it was the first....and last....time I will attempt homemade cards. So if you got one...feel special :) Next year Ill stick to the photo card and call it a day. But...despite the hard work I think they turned out nice.

We had two countdowns to Christmas. One was a really cute Santa Claus that each day we added a cotton ball and when his beard was full we would know he would be coming that night. The next one was a Christmas chain and each link of the chain had a scripture about Christ or from the Christmas story in the bible that we would read each night until Christmas Eve.  I really wanted to teach Jackson the true meaning of Christmas. It is so hard when Santa is so much more fun exciting to a three year old. One night he looked at me after we had read our scripture for the night and said. So mommy...Christmas is Jesus' birthday right? So Santa can bring him a present!! He said this with so much excitement and enthusiasm like it was the best idea in the world. I love him.  I guess he kind of got the point of the meaning of Christmas....better luck next year I guess.

It wouldnt be Christmas if you didnt get to dress your kids up in super cute outfits to show off to everyone at church how adorable your kids are.  Jackson loved his little vest and tie get up but for Layla her outfit was torture.  She looked so cute though! I made the mistake of buying a size 24 month dress instead of 2T. You might not think there is much difference there, but there is. I had to squeeze her chubby arms into that dress and it was pretty tight around her waist but I was determined to get her in it for just one Sunday.  I got a few pictures but she wasnt being very cooperative. Enjoy.

So after all this fun and excitement Christmas Eve finally came. We celebrated our family Chrismtas on Chrismtas Eve since Jackson shares the holiday with his dad.  We laid out cookies for Santa and tucked the kids into bed.  At the lovely hour of 630am  we were up to screams of delight as Jackson realized Santa really had come.  Layla was not a fan of being woken up that early, but she warmed up to the idea of Christmas once gifts started getting passed around. Here's a little clip of our morning...

Overall it was a good Christmas. The kids got more than enough presents, we ate good food, and spent time with people we love. I cant believe it is over already.  I truly hope that I gave my kids more than just presents and yummy treats this year. I hope I gave them memories and joy and maybe even taught them a little about what Christmas truly means. So here's to another year. Let the memory making being.

Layla

So Im finally getting time to myself to sit and write thanks to my wonderful husband. He has worked 30 hours the last two days but still he comes home and tells me to sit down and relax while he does the dinner dishes and takes care of the kids. Either I look completely worn down and exhausted or he's just amazing....Im going to say both. I love him so much.

Anyway...on to the story of my second little miracle baby. I say miracle because unfortunately Ive suffered miscarriages in the past so every live healthy birth to me is a miracle. Also...where I work makes me really appreciate the health of my children.  

Jason and I had only been married a few months but decided to go ahead and try for a baby. I didnt want there to be a big age difference between Jackson and any child Jason and I had. I figured it would take at least a few months. Boy was I wrong.  I had just finished my last official round of birth control pills and was waiting for my period to start.  It was the year of the swine flu. I heard about it on the news, online, at work...everywhere. It was a weekend and I felt awful....high fever, achy muscles and then my neck got so stiff I couldnt move it.  I freaked....and went to the ER assuming that I for sure had the swine flu.  The nurse asked me if I was pregnant and I told her no that I just barely stopped taking my pills this month.  She decided to have me take a test anyway and sure enough...it was positive. I was shocked! Because I was also sick they hooked me up to an IV to give me some fluid. Well the nurse starting my IV got blood  everywhere. Jason comes walking in and Im wearing a mask, in a hospital gown, with blood everywhere. His facial expression was priceless. I think he thought I was dying from the look on his face.  Then before he can talk the doctor comes in with the results of my blood test saying Congratulations! with a huge smile on her face. Jason then got very very confused. When he realized what was going on he just laughed. We were both so shocked and it was just a crazy experience. Most expensive pregnancy test ever.

The pregnancy with Layla was even easier than Jacksons...up until the last trimester. I never got nauseous and I never threw up.  But starting about 36 weeks I started to swell....and it wasnt your normal mild fluid retention that most pregnant women get. My legs looked like massive tree trunks up to my knees. By the end of the day I had pitting edema that never went away.  I couldnt wear any shoes and forget my wedding ring. Then one Sunday afternoon I was laying on my moms couch and I fell asleep. When I woke up everyone sounded very far away when they were talking.  I looked up and I couldnt see. When I stared at someone all I saw was half of their face.  Then I noticed my entire left side of my body was numb from my face all the way down to my toes. At this point Im starting to freak out a bit.  I called to Jason and tried to ask him to get me water but  I couldnt say the word water. It was so frustrating. I could think it all I wanted but the words wouldnt come out.  Jason wanted to take me to the ER but stubborn me said I just wanted to sleep it off and Ill be better tomorrow. Well...I was right...I did feel better but I was more swollen than ever.

this was before the swelling so just picture me this huge everywhere...not just belly

I went in to my 37 week appointment excited to be told I was dilated and had high hopes that they would direct me straight to labor and delivery. I felt miserable. So I go in and they tell me the worst...I was completely closed...not dilated at all....baby girl was laying transverse and there was protein in my pee.  I bawled.  They were talking scheduling a version and induction and if that didnt work a c-section.  I left that appointment so defeated and miserable.  Then that night I had another horrible headache episode. We called my doctor and she ordered a 24 hour urine. She was skeptical because my blood pressure always stayed in the 90s and typically if I you are preeclamptic your blood pressure spikes.  I didnt even make it home after I turned that bucket of pee in before she called telling me to go on strict bedrest until they could induce me three days later.  I was so happy. I felt so so so so sick that all I wanted was to get her out.  My doctor was shocked at the level of protein in my pee.  Thank God for that 24 hour urine test.

I went in to be induced at 5am on Friday May 28th, 2010.  I was so excited I literally didnt sleep the night before.  I got all hooked up and ready to go and was pleasantly surprised to find out that I was already dilated to a three.

Early early in the morning ready to get started

this was after they broke my water...the lack of sleep is wearing on me

Right before time to push

 At 8am they broke my water and I got my epidural and then at 1pm my baby girl was born in just four rounds of pushing.  Fast...and painless....just the way I like it. She was a perfect 7lbs 10oz and 21.5inches long.

perfect and pink

 I held her in my arms and said her name and Ill never forget how she looked right up into my eyes.  There is something so special about those first few moments that only a mother can understand.  All the waiting and pain and frustration is forgotten in that sweet moment in time. 

my sweet baby girl

Layla was and is a wonderful baby. She only cries when she wants something but she for sure lets her opinion known. She is fiesty and funny and beautiful. I see so much of her dad in her.  I love her so much. Its amazing how much you love your children. Its almost painful. I look at her and I want to give her the world but protect her from it at the same time. Being a mother is one of the most rewarding, but hard and scary things Ive ever done and will ever do in my life. Ive been given the gift to raise this beautiful little girl with so much spunk and personality. Her fearlessness scares me so much. I hope with all my heart I can teach her to be everything she needs to while allowing her to be herself.  She is everything Ive ever dreamed my little girl would be. Her daddy and I are so blessed.

my sweet hubby and our baby girl

A second chance at love

When you grow up Mormon, and a girl, having a husband and kids seems like the fairy tale dream come true.  You picture the perfect husband and perfect little family living in the perfect little house. As a teenager, you obsess about this. Every potential date could possibly be a potential husband.  If you go to a Mormon college like I did for one year....those girls' sole purpose in life is to make that fantasy a reality. Growing up I really did think I was going to marry my long term high school boyfriend. We were crazy in love....and looking back on it, it really was crazy. Back then I was in love with my emotions and the excitement of a boy loving me. I wasnt really in love with the person.

Can you find me? Check upper right corner. See the guy to next to me? Yeah...man of my dreams at the time right there :) Oh how time changes us.

At the Mormon college I went to I got really turned off by the Mormon girls dream of marriage so I rebelled.  I refused to date much because I told myself I would not be one of those girls seeking out an MRS. degree. I thought of these girls as pathetic and weak with no sense of self. They needed a man to define them...and not just any man....a return RM AND eagle scout.  Those girls in Idaho dream big.  My attitude was terrible as you can see and eventually got me suspended so I took matters into my own hands and applied to Purdue, got accepted, then told my mom I wanted to go there. Little did I know that it would be at the big bad non-Mormon school that I would fall into the same trap that all those girls in Idaho fell into.

I had never dated anyone before Jackson's dad that had already been on a mission so I had never even considered what I would do if someone actually asked me to marry them.  We dated a few months, he asked me to marry him, and the fantasy of married life and love and children hit me hard....I said yes...at  the wise age of 19 years old.  I was so naive and way to young to make a decision like that. Like many things in my life...I should have listened to my mother.  My immaturity and youth and his addictions and own immaturity (he was only 21) made for a rough start and a rough almost six years of marriage.  It really was an unfair relationship for both of us. I was by no means ready for marriage at that young of an age. I had no idea how hard marriage is. I dont want to go into details of what led to the end of that first marriage. I have a special letter written for Jackson to explain all of that.  It was a sad thing for all involved. Ultimately the fantasy was just that...a fantasy. I dont regret that first marriage. If anything it has helped prepare me and helped me to really appreciate my marriage now. Everything happens for a reason even if at the time we have no idea why.

Jason and I met in September of 2008. I was depressed and lonely so I thought it would be funny to check on some online dating websites. I googled to see if there were any mormon ones and WOW there were a ton. I picked LDSmingle.com. It was a completely random decision.  The very day I got on there I met him.  I saw his picture...its one where he is on top of Kong at the amusement park he worked at as an electrician and I sent him a message because he was cute...thats it.  He wrote back and the rest is history.  We spent months every two weeks taking turns flying back and forth to see each other. This was a very expensive way to date and I dont recommend it.

Heres the pic I mentioned...cute huh?

Jason was unlike any guy Id ever met. He was so so so goofy.  I thought this was just an over the top act until I met his family. He has been this way his whole life and God love him for it.  You know how I said everything happens for a reason?  If I hadnt known the bad...I would have been easily irritated and annoyed and stopped dating him the first time I realized this was him....all day....every day.  But because I went through a marriage of lying and deciet...his openness and honesty and kindness became what I fell in love with and I could look past the little annoyances.  Jason is the most sincere genuine person I have ever met. He would do anything for anyone.  He works harder to support his family than anyone I know because he loves us.  I dont have to question his love or his honesty.  He is one of the few people Ive met in my life that does not pretend to be someone he is not. And Ill take it. All those girls that gave him up because of his hyperactivity missed out on someone that would treat them like they are his whole world.  I thank God for him. And Im thankful for the hard times I went through with Jacksons dad so that I could really appreciate Jason and who he is.

Our engagement pic :)

 We were married June 19, 2009 in Genoa, Nevada at a beautiful hot springs resort.  It was very small and intimate and I loved every minute of it. A year after that on July 31, 2010 we were sealed in the Nauvoo, Illinios temple.  I cant explain in words how that day felt.  As Jason and I were in that room holding our baby, she was so tiny...Ill never forget how as the words were being spoken that would seal us together as a family forever....she looked up and smiled at us. That moment was as special to me as the day she was born.  Looking around seeing all our family there with us in white...I imagine that will be what heaven is like.  

our wedding pic in Nevada

I cant imagine spending my life and raising my children with anyone other than Jason. Our relationship is not perfect, but we respect each other and love each other completely.  I am so grateful for what I learned so that I can appreciate this relationship and not take it for granted.  The fantasy I had as a child never did come true. Marriage is not a fairy tale.  It is hard. But like most really great things in life, if you put in the work and effort it can be better than what you dreamed.

The family I always wanted with all its imperfections

Jackson

I woke up from a decent sleep the other day with this panicked feeling that I need to start writing things down. You may think....you are....you started this blog. Well it was more the feeling that I need to write down important events like the birth of my children and my wedding while I still have solid details of those things in my mind so that later when my mind might not be so quick to remember I can go back and read about it.  So right now as all my babies are sleeping I am going to begin these series of posts starting with Jackson.

Jack was a very wanted baby.  I always knew growing up that I wanted children. I got married to Jack's dad in 2002. I was barely 20 years old and still in school and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was in love with the idea of marriage and love. Our relationship was hard from the beginning. I  dont want to go into details but it took us a long time to feel comfortable to start trying for a family.  In 2006 we decided to go ahead and try. I found out I was pregnant in January. Unfortunately I lost that baby.  But I was lucky and found out I was pregnant again in June 2007.  

Im close to 6months pregnant here and remember thinking I was so huge

My pregnancy with Jackson was easy.  I only threw up twice and both times were my fault.  I drank orange juice without eating both times. Dumb dumb dumb.  My only complaint throughout it all was the massive heartburn I got all nine months. Thank goodness that went away after he was born.  I loved feeling him move inside me.  I would lay in bed and just watch and feel him move around....it made me so happy.  Naturally I was anxious to meet him and by the third trimester done and ready to get him out. 

I was 37 weeks 3 days and one week away from finishing working until the baby came.  I worked full time night shift which was almost unbearable.  I was huge and awkard and so tired.  I went into my Thursday night shift and got started. Around 11pm I was walking to my patients room when someone walked past me going pretty fast and bumped into me as I went by.  I very dramatically...and very ungracefully....fell to the floor. I remember in my head thinking OMG this is so embarrassing please please please at least let me be able to get up.  It wasnt pretty....I took a few unbalanced steps on my way down, hit my knees, and then smacked my hands loudly on the floor drawing attention from everyone. This very eloquent man yelled...Hey that big pregnant lady just fell! Thank you sir...I dont think anyone noticed......

My charge nurse wanted to send me home but I was too embarrassed and too stubborn so I refused and said I was fine. And really besides my knees being bruised up I felt fine....just embarrassed.  So I worked out my shift and got home around 830am.  I was all tucked in and getting ready to sleep when I noticed I was contracting and they hurt so I timed them....four minutes apart. Again...stubborn me convinced myself that I would be fine until my appointment later that day so I went to sleep.  At around 11 I woke up feeling like I was peeing the bed. SERIOUSY??? PEEING THE BED?? Thats what I was thinking at the time. So I fling my huge body off the bed and as soon as I stand up.....WHOOSH...my water broke...everywhere. Now my doctor had just told me that only 10% of womens water break naturally and to expect a light trickle. Man was I cursing her in my head as I sat in the bathroom unable to get off the toilet because water kept gushing out. I had the illogical thought that Jack was going to die because there couldnt possible be any more amniotic fluid left. So I jumped up...grabbed one of his newborn diapers (its all I had)...and called my mom. She was closer than Nate at the time.

Just getting comfy at the hospital....nice bangs huh?

A long story made just a tiny bit shorter...I got to the hospital around noon and walked and walked and walked only being dilated to a 1.  So...at 11pm they started pitocin and gave me an epidural and prepped me for the possibility of a c-section since I was still only a 1.  I went to sleep and at 1am woke up feeling all kinds of pressure. Me not knowing what giving birth felt like called the nurse to complain about my foley catheter that they had anchored.  She gasped and said I was at 10cm and to not push because Jack was pretty much crowning.  The doc came in...I pushed maybe 4 times and he was born...perfect....pink...all ten toes and fingers.

On February 29, 2008 my little boy came screaming into the world weighing 6lbs 7oz and 19.5 inches long. I fell in love with him the second I looked into his blue eyes.

That little baby gave me strength to get through some very rough times in my life that were short to come after he was born. I truly believe that I wouldnt have made it through had I not had him to live for.  He is everything I could ever want in a little boy. He is smart, inquisitive, sweet natured and always wants to try to do good things.  He's not perfect...what toddler is? But he is pretty close in my book.  I thank God everyday for him and pray that He will guide me to raise him to reach his full potential in this life. 

So handsome

My kid really is normal! :-)

One of the most exciting things about being a mom is watching your kids hit all those milestones.  Rolling over, crawling, walking for the first time are things that not only show your kid is developing normal but also meeting the social standards of development.  There are time frames for all of these things. I dont know who exactly decided these time frames but its like a deadline your kid must meet to still be considered "normal". So if your kid hits six months and still isnt rolling over...YIKES....

People ask...Oh is he/she crawling yet....and if they aren't you get the raised eyebrows...look of concern....and a pat on the shoulder as they say..."dont worry Im sure they'll catch up soon".  Umm...thanks lady but I wasnt worried until you said that....now Im secretly sort of freaking out. 


My kids...God love'em...they left me in freak out mode many many times concerning their milestones. Jackson rolled over at 1 month.  I thought....Sweet we have an advanced baby here! Genius in the making! But then that was it...he didnt do anything after that FOREVER.  The boy rolled everywhere but refused to crawl until he was 10 months old....then wouldnt walk until he was 17 months old. The day he finally took his first steps was so exciting for me...but all I got from everyone else was....Oh Good...I thought something was really wrong with him.  Umm...thanks again...good to know the world thought my kid had issues. 

Now you would think that after Jack's incredibly slow progression in hitting milestones that I would be used to all of that by now.  Well Layla has proved to be a whole different beast.  She is hands down the most stubborn child.  She rolled over front to back just fine right around three months....but then would act stuck when on her back like she had no idea what to do.  This lasted for a very  very long time.  Now dont get me wrong....the crab on its back thing was awesome when I had to do things like unload groceries. She was literally stuck.   She would arch her back and scream but wouldnt roll over. At first this wasnt concerning but at almost nine months and still acting like a freaking fish out of water on her back...I started to freak out.  FINALLY at almost 10 months old she rolled over back to front.

At this point I had very low expectations for hitting other milestones within the "normal" range.  Crawling came at 11 months and she was a pro. Fastest crawler Ive ever seen.  Her poor knees have been purple ever since.  So...everything was fine....until she hit one years old.  At that point everywhere we would go people would ask...is she walking yet? Nope...no she is not.  13 months....Still not walking. 14 months....No no....shes STILL not walking.  "Are you worried"....not yet thanks.  Then we got to her 15month doc appointment.  Her pediatrician gave me a deadline. She had to be walking by 18monhts or we would be discussing physical therapy. PT!! Thats for disabled and hurt kids! I HAD to get this kid walking.

At this point too people stopped asking and just would either laugh and say "That kid will never walk" or if they did ask it was with deep concern.  Come on people! This does not make an already paranoid mommy feel any better.  Within the family it became a joke. Bets were made that she wouldnt walk before she was two.  Layla was so dang stubborn that if someone besides us would try to hold her hands she would go limp and refuse to bear weight on her legs. At home her favorite toy became her walker.  I call her my little old lady because she takes this thing everywhere.  It was the only way she would walk.

Here is the video....WARNING BABY NUDITY INVOLVED....

So let me stop and say. At this point....at 17 months when the naked video was shot...she would stand unsupported by herself.  But she only did these things for her daddy.  If I asked her to walk she would shake her head and say NO NO NO.  And forget anyone else....except Jason. He has never missed a milestone because she refuses to do anything for anyone except him.  Talk about an extreme case of Daddy's lil' girl!

So we have literally 6 days left until she hits that 18month milestone.  And wouldnt you know....last night as Im walking out of Jacksons room from tucking him into bed...there she is...with her daddy....WALKING by herself down the hall.  I was so excited and happy and relieved I cried.  So today...all day....I tried to repeat this amazing feat.  All I got were NO NO NOs.  Then...as soon as daddy gets home...that little stinker stands up and walks and this time I have the proof!. I got it on video for all to see so even when she refuses for everyone except daddy....I have evidence. :) My girl is normal!! Horray!! No physical therapy for us Doctor Jones. We may be slow...but we have successfully hit all those pesky milestones. :)

Crazy pull your hair out Mondays

Mondays are clean days at the Pfeffer household. I like having a routine. So on Mondays I clean the house. Tuesdays Jason is off work so I try to just relax but I do always go and get groceries every Tuesday morning.  Wednesdays are laundry days and lately Ive been trying to pick one place in my house each Wednesday to try and organize. So far Ive done one closet. Its a HUGE work in progress. Anyway...out of all of these days I hate Mondays.  I really do not like to clean...at all. But if my house is messy it gives me major anxiety. So every Monday I clean. Ill go ahead and bore you with the whole routine...

5:45...wake up read scriptures and exercise before kids wake up
7:30...kids up...feed and dress them
9:00...shower
10:00...clean kitchen, laundry room, and living room and finish this by 11 so I can sit for half an hour
11:30...lunch time
12:30...nap time...my FAVORITE part of the day because I sleep with them until around 130
1:30...up again to clean bathrooms before kids wake up
3:00...kids up and eating snacks
3:30...sweep mop and vaccuum floors
4:30...fold any left over laundry from last week
5:30...dinner which most mondays has been in the crockpot all day so its easy to prepare because by now I am exhausted
7:30...baths
8:00...scriptures and family prayer and BED just in time for me to collapse on the couch and watch Dancing with the Stars.

This literally is how my day goes every single Monday. And most Mondays I trudge through because I know that if I dont get this house clean Ill have anxiety about it the rest of the week. Medication needed for this OCD behavior?  Possibly....I wont deny it, but its how Ive always been.
Today however has been a huge challenge. Even as Im writing this someone somewhere in my house is screaming.  I dont know if its the weather or the change in time (which SUCKS btw) but the kids have been a mess today. 

Example one...only picture with high pitch screaming

this is the collapse I give up mode...a little more quiet than the first so a little more bearable.

this one just stopped screaming but is clawing at my leg for me to hold her which is fine but then Jack is in the background crying that its his turn for me to hold him

This has been my day...all day. What has gotten me through you might ask? Let me just show you...

Thank goodness for the invention of caffeine

So...now it is 4:00...and despite the chaos, the house is clean. There is yummy orange chicken in the crockpot that is making my house smell delicious and I only have 4 more hours until bedtime.

This may all seem crazy to some of you. But now that its all said and done...I feel relief...and I can go about the rest of my week a bit more relaxed than I other wise would have been and enjoy my children that much more without the anxiety of a dirty house. 
And wait...could it be? No one is crying right now! Time to go play with the kids....and watch some HGTV :)

Halloween!

Since having kids holidays have really taken on a new meaning. It is so much more fun now to plan things and watch how much they love everything I used to love as a kid. This year is the first year that Jackson really had a say in what he wanted to be and was super excited about all the fun things we had planned.

Jack is just a tiny bit obsessed with Harry Potter. So of course that was his costume of choice for the year.  And I have to say...He was the cutest little Potter I have ever seen :).

My adorable lady bug and Mr. Harry Potter himself :)

 Everywhere we went from zoo boo to the church trunk or treat and then finally trick or treating on Halloween night people would stop to comment on him and some people were actually taking his picture. That was a little weird to me....but by the time I noticed they were taking his picture it was done. 

So I wanted to make the whole day special for the kids.  We made Halloween cookies in the afternoon, and for dinner before trick or treating I made a delicious meal of scary cheeseburgers.

Can you guess which ones Jack did?

super scary huh?

 Thank you Pinterest for helping me come up with fun creative things to do for and with my kids.  Jackson was so impressed by his burger he didnt want to eat it. He said he wanted to save it and I had to convince him how nasty that would be.  He did eventually eat it but he kept apoligizing to it like he was killing it or something. Silly boy.

By the time we were ready to go trick or treating he could barely contain his excitement.  My little Potter was convinced that the wand my mom got him from The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Florida was really going to work some magic that night.  While walking up and down the streets he would point his wand at people and yell STUPIFY! and EXPECTO PATRONUM!! very loudly.  It was hilarious.  His Patronus is an elephant btw...at least that's what he tells me.  I love his imagination and I love that he had so much fun.

Harry and his wand

When we got home that night he said...Mommy this was the best Halloween! I love Halloween can we do it again tomorrow?  I had to explain that Halloween is over but dont worry...the best holiday yet is just around the corner...Christmas!  He fell asleep singing jingle bells. So stinking cute!

I cant wait for next year when Layla can start to enjoy these things as much as Jack does now.  We kind of just stuffed her into her costume and drug her around everywhere.  She did love the suckers and she loved carrying around her purple pumpkin.

All ready to go :)

 Jas and I had an exhausting and wonderful time. We got home, tucked the kids in bed, and watched some scary movies while we took our pick from the loot of candy the kids brought home. Dont worry...we did leave just a bit for them to enjoy too.

yum!!

I hope everyone had as fun of a Halloween as we did. Happy Halloween!!

Zoo BOO!!

I absolutely love all things fall. I love the smells. I love the colors of the trees. I love the chill in the air and how fresh it can make things feel and smell. I love wearing jeans and sweaters. And I love love love Halloween and pumpkin patches and all the fun festivals and activities.  Today started our week of family fall fun.  I woke up early after working all night to take Jack and Layla to Zoo Boo at the Indianapolis Zoo.  Jason had to work :( so I braved the crazy crowds with both kids all by myself....and I LOVED it. It was so much fun spending time doing something other than running errands and cleaning the house with the kids. I think sometimes they associate mommy time with chores and groceries. So it was so great that today we just had FUN!

So at zoo boo all the kids dress up in their halloween costumes and they get to trick or treat at the zoo, see the animals, do pumpkin bowling, jump in a bounce house AND decorate cookies. Whew! No wonder Im so tired. :)

This is Layla and Jackson all dressed up at the house before we left. Jackson saw himself and yelled....Brilliant!! LOL just like Harry Potter. I love it!!

Brilliant!!

chunky baby :)

Here the kids are all ready to head into the zoo. I love my double stroller! It is a must with a toddler and baby.

Aww...they love each other

The kids had so much fun and I had so much fun watching how happy they were.  My kids are the greatest blessing and gift of my life. Now that the zoo is over we have tons more fun fall things planned for the week. Hayrides and pumpkin painting tomorrow....Childrens Museum haunted house on Tuesday....church trunk or treat on Wednesday....then finally HALLOWEEN! I am almost as excited as the kids are (maybe even a little more).  Like I said...I love fall :)

Taking a hike CAN be fun with a 3 and a 1 year old :)

So this week Jason's mom is here from California.  Not one to want to disappoint I planned out in my head a fun filled week for all of us.  So far the weather has been very cooperative and Im very grateful for that since the weather here in Indy tends to bipolar. One day hot...one day crazy cold. No one understands unless they've lived here. Anyway....we decided to go to Eagle Creek park on Monday.  The weather was perfect.  I loved watching Jack get excited about the leaves crunching under his feet.  We took about an hour long hike dragging our double jogging stroller through the woods. (That thing is very sturdy btw)  

 

The kids are all ready and excited for the hike, and not fighting about having to be that close to each other :)

Layla was soon over the whole being stuck confined in a stroller bit while Jackson could run around through the leaves.  If the girl would start walking she could do these things too...silly baby.

Jason is torturing some little bug. His mom says this bug is protected and going extinct and that Jason could get in big trouble for harming such a thing.  Hope no one reports him for this pic :-)

We found an old abandoned cabin with a very old and nasty outhouse behind it.  This is Jason's constipated poop face. I am so glad I was born in a time where we dont have to poop in a hole in a shed. NASTY!!

This is Jason's mom Brenda.  We are glad she was able to come out and visit us for a little while. I know Jason misses her very much.

Jason is trying to look like he is doing pull ups. He's so silly and I love him for it =-)

Finally here we all are. I dont like pictures of me but I try to include myself as proof I was actually there for this family outing. It was a fun relaxing day...my favorite kind.

Surgery and California

The last few weeks have been full of very low lows and high highs.  On the 8th I had my D&C.  That was....awful.... The drugs were good. I didnt remember anything after I crawled onto the OR table. I remember them putting oxygen on my face and then waking up. But when I woke up I felt empty....in every way it is possible for a person to feel empty. I purposely ranked my pain high so they would give me more medicine to try to get this emptiness to go away.  It didnt help...   Then for nights after over and over I had the same recurring nightmare where I wake up on the operating table right at the moment they pull the baby and all the other stuff out of me... I wake up from these dreams sobbing. Thank goodness they have finally stopped...but the emptiness is still here.  I am working on being happy...getting into a routine...feeling normal. It is really really hard.

This past week we went to California to visit Jason's family.  I love Jason's family. We only get to see them once a year and we've had this planned since last December.  But as much as I love them this trip was hard for me.  I know Im depressed.  Im sorry if I offended anyone out in Cali for my antisocial behavior. It was just really hard to play the happy role when I feel so sad in my heart.  But I couldnt not go...Jason loves and misses his family so much and I hate that I took him away from them...so I could never in a million years miss that trip and take away his one week out of the whole year that he has with his family.

Even though I was sad...I still had a good time. I love love love my Pfeffer family. They are all so outgoing and silly and fun. Everything I wish I could be.  I have always felt so welcome there and loved...from the very first time I met everyone.  Thank you for that :) And for always loving Jackson. That means so much to me.

Here are some pics of our fun with our Cali family :)

Layla insisted on sitting behind Jack the WHOLE plane ride :)

naked cousins :)

All the Pfeffer kids..+ sig others and Fred

At the Jelly Belly factory. It smelled sooo good

kissing cousins

First time in four years they have all been together :)

Silly Pfeffers

Good Ole' Fred

hee hee

fun at the zoo

I am so glad Jason and I were able to take this trip despite everything that has happened to us recently.  Family is everything and we miss everyone out in california so much. Next September cant come soon enough :)